self talk atmshakshatkar

Aarti sanodiya ki Jivani 

 Today aaj ka din mere liye kafi suljhan wala h me khud ko jan gyi phchan gyi hu khud per yakin h bs abhi jo plan kiya h bs bo sahi thikane se beth jaye mera tir nisane pe lag jata h to bs fir meri life time gereny ko me apne hisab se hi chalaungi aur abhi bs rajneeti jo me khelte ayi hu sap bhi maro lathi bhi nhi tutne do hm ghum fir ker ek bar fir mera last target pe me a gyi hu aur abhi kbhi bhi isse dur nhi ho skti hu bs mujhe to apna kam Krna h bs aur abhi dekhna h ki kya ho skta h mera sab too good to bs fir kya h me janti hu ki me bchpn se hi snkochi srmily aur bhut bchker rahne wali hu aur ijjat man samman se bda prem raha h dhan peso ya srir se bhi nhi hm bs gyan se vivek se suljh ker swaym ki atma ka sunti hu phle chhoti thi to dimag itna vistarit nhi tha to man ko kafi kasth hua tha fir me 12 kr chuki thi uske bad ma bap sadi krvana chahte the but me pdhna fir kya hua Golu ne dasvi se iti ka dal rakha tha bo dedh sal se kr raha tha bohi mera bhi krne ko bol diya fir me bhi khus thi iti sabse best tha sivil engeneer ka li thi cource fir bo bhag gya sudha ko lekar to meri gardan kat jati so mene pdhai chhod di fir ek sal bad sadi ho gyi me inko apna jani dushman manti thi fir dhire dhire femily me ladai jhgda bate do bate hote rahi sab ka milna thoda muskil tha but fir mene maf nhi ki kisi ko mere sath jo hua tha inki murkhta se bhulaye nhi ja skta tha firbhi bhul gyi na me hm bs fir hua ye ki meri sadi soni se hui usne nagpur khke sadi ki plat h do do bolker fir uske ghar me dekhne gye to pita aur jija ne nhi btaye ki kya hal h ghar mene bhi dekha tha aur sayad first atrection me beh gyi thi sundrta sab kuchh fir uske moh maya me mujhe uski asliyat smjh hi nhi ayi aur bs khte h na nmk aur fitkri ek si hoti h but dono ke rung se hm dhokha kha lete h fir bs sadi kr li sagai ho gyi fir mera sab acha ho raha h soch ker me khus thi but mere karyo me jin jin logo ne bighan dale h sab yad h mujhe abhi bohi agg ko mene bs apne sapne apne target ko pane ke liye tyar kiya h yu hi barbad nhi hone de skti hu me mera spna yu kisi chand do kodi ke logo ke liye koi nhi h mera safa bs khun ke riste h jo unchahe h sach to ye h ki mujhe hak hota apne liye sab chunne ka to me best hi chunti hm but fir hua ye ki 5 sal me bhut shi suni smjhi dekhi roll kal soni ka uski femily ka fir mene khud per yakin kr li pgl ho gyi thi me un dino jo halat the mansik santulan khone ka mujhe yad h bohi fir me loti to ma aur julm kr rahi thi mere dil per ma ka prem kbhi nhi mila nhi sas ka sath bs fir jhuthe pti ke bhrose jindgi kese kat du hm bs fir ek bap ka sath tha bo bhi smyanusar chutte gya fir sach dikhai dene laga jo me dekhna chahti thi bs sukh nhi bs fir 5 sal 2010 me sadi aur 2015 me wapsi aur fir boha se suru hui mere ander jane khud ko smjhne aur khud per yakin ki tyari fir iswar sath the baki sab khilaf to kya frk pdta h bs sabko unsuna krke hi mene khud ko jita h jitaya h aur khusiya hasil ki h fir me ujain gyi boha se man me krishna ji sma gye sare kasth agyan mit gye fir mene aker apna play ka pesa wapas liya fir meri Bhaduri ka charch khud hua fir mene apne uper atyachar shna bnd kr diya gulami shna bhi fir meri sabse dushmni honi jruri thi kyoki me apne ap se man se atma se jo prem kr bethi bs bo din h aur ye me kisi are gere nthu khere ki nhi sunti yakin h bs apne ap per iswar per smy per hm bs aur fir mene self dependent hona sikha har pal dusro ki sun sun khud ke liye ek best life chuna h bs aur abhi me khus hu bhut aur fir mene sadi ki dukan me jaker pese kmana chaha but iswar ko mera nam bnana tha bs aur sikhana tha sab fir me nikli hi thi ki dusre din school me gyi ashadeep me Verma sir ki pithi bni fir sab suna dekha sikha sabki rajneeti li sir se vivad bhi hua fir nhi dri fir me sab krte rahi nidrta se bo bhut kosise kiya tab bhi htane ki but ghnta hila paye aur jab mene soch liya tha ki mujhe htna h bs to sara smy mere sath ho gya hm fir kya meri 3 sal ki job me 500 bdhaye seoni me 2500 aur 3000 me job ki ashadeep me tab tak ma bap ke sath fir sudha ko laddu rah gya to bo mujhe boli hm are h bohi ma bap bhi ha bol diye fir bo a gye 2019 ke fevury me fir me unke sath 6 mah rahi but sunita bhdkai aur sudha ulti budhi ku thi sach smjh nhi payi fir mujge sabne bura smjha jbki mujhe kisi ke sath pesa dhan wastu ka ratti lalch nhi h bs aur mene tab ek aur fesla liya ki ab aur nhi bs ise phle jad khode mujhe taklif de minde me war ho to mene apne lngde ghode ki jit hetu ek dav kheli fir thi 2019 November tak fir me alag ho gyi tab ma se jhgda hua tha fir sabki rajneeti me jan chuki thi aur sabki sajis thi kisi ek ki nhi kese bhul jauu ye to bs hathi ke dant h jo dikhane ke h bs ek rajneeti abhi baki h meri aur fir bs me alag hui anjli ne gesh silender dekr mdat ki pese do 1500 udhari h uski Ahsan h fir mere last year computer ka bcha tha aur last year ma finel ka bs kisi bhi halat me apne pdhai ko kharab nhi hone dena tha mujhe bs ek bar target per fokas tha problm per nhi bs fir kya alag ho gyi sabko pta chala idhar payment nhi bdhai gyi sur se bhi vivad ho gya school me aur fir mere uper bo smy gujra jiske bad bhulker bhi smy ayga to har hi nhi skti me fir laga lock down sun 2020 March me khabar thi aur April 18 se 21 fir 3 mah ka yu halat the marne layak per gyan ki pinki se bdi koi punji nhi hoti h bo h to sab h fir mene sabke virudh bhna sikha ladna apni kmjoriyo se aur fir iswar sath tha h rahega me udhar li hu mana nhu krti but dungi sabko shi smy ane per aur jo tuti meri cefeciy aj tak nhi sudhri mere dushman khud mere ma bap bhai babhi bhne bni bs jo ek do madadgar the bs pese se aur jhuthi sahanubhuti se chalate rage mujhe aur me chahti to glt kr skti thi sadi krke apne dukho se nikl skti thi but bo smy mjburi hoti jo ki ab me nhi kr skti aur bas isliye sare glt bure smy ko katna fir sahi hone ka intejar Krna fir sadi krke khus hona hmesa ke liye to bs ek target pura krne me itna smy laga dukh hua but me har nhi mani fir jobless corona loscdown himat nhi hari chtni roti kha ker ji li fir ase galat se ubhrne me bokt to lagta hi h fir 3 mah ke bad mene hriom se dosti ki studio gyi nandu ke sab sikha dekha fir spne bde atmviswas but pesa nhi jeb me jo imp chin h bo bhi nhi bs fir ashadeep me kam krte jo pesa joda ma bap ke sath rah ke jo bcht ki mera plat ka jo pesa aya usse gadi li mer ek dukh kam hua fir 3g mobile sabse phle Intex ka li fir usse dosti ki bhut se dukho se mukti mili fir mene 7 hjar ka Harmonium li fir dholak guitar li fir sab pdhai me pesa lagai collage ma computer aur music me bs nonstop kisi ki sunba hi nhi bs fir pesa jodker lockdown se phle 7 hjar ka dusra mobile li fir me khus thi khud me aur fir agla target leppy ka tha but ho nhi paya but ho jyga plan by fir femily se alag lockdown jobless fir me sab kuch thik chah kr nhi kr pa rahi thi bs dhry rakhna hi ek option tha h rahega fir bs jodna nhi khridns nhi bs gujara imp tha bs fur jo kmati sab khrch ho jata hm smy ke sath sath meri jrurte bdhti gyi minde ko jitna bdhaya utne sok bdhe test phnna ghumna khana sab hm fir kya me showroom ki job krne nikl gyi boha ka sach jana fir me 6 din bad navrati me bo job chhodi fir collage job mil gyi fir prasant sur ke sath mene collage me braber wale bchho ke sath sb Krna suru kiya fir me sab thik se jma rahi thi ander se but sir ke sath mere sex relation ho gye aur bs is tarah ek sal sir ke collage me rahi ijjat se but dimag ka jitna use ki utna hi mere loss me a gyi mera target singing writing h aur usse dur hona pglpn fir me thak gyi machin bn gyi ek sal unka kam krte krte sara tin char logo ka kam akele ki bo bhi 4500 matr me 6 ghnte job but sikha bhut kuchh fir dil dimag me jung khtm krni thi aur idhar jitu bhaiya a gye aur offer kiye ki das hjar dunga fir me dealing kr li but pta chala bo kam 10 se suru ki aur ek month me hi finish bo bole kam nhi h aur udhar me 7 hjar le chuki thi aur asa krke mene apne bure bokt ke liye 10,000 jma kr li fir samy sab thik aur 1 sitmber ko mene sir ko call ki me geet ga rahi ganpti ka bo jo h us hisab se bo bhut soche smjhe fir unhone permission nhi di to sab chhodker me apna chenel chalungi gussa tha but nikalna sahi se tha kyoki unki ni sunna hi meri jit thu bs suru se hi ath sath thi minde lavel ko lekar mere sharpness aur plan aur techinq ke agge kisi ki nhi chali aur jo guru the swarth tyag ma bap tyag bhai bhn tyag bs jo the ab me iswar aur smy aur me khud ko asa mjbut bna liya halto se lad ladker ki ab koi jiye mre to bhi mere ko frk nhi pdta h but dikhaba imp h bhar niyat bs khud tak fir sir ne jhuth bola hriom se meri phle hi dosto h but bchker sab sap bhi marna lathi bhi nhi tutne dena bs fir kya chupchap dhry rakhi aur bohi mera hathiyar h bs dhry last tak fir 3 ko call aya ki a jao fir ek song fail hua pradumn ke sath fir mera dusra song hit gya khud ke chennel ko chalana start ki aur abhi target h ki bs usme ji jan laga dungi bs fir jo main kmi hui do chijo ki ek sex ek pesa fir jitu ne kam bnd kr diya fir me mere pas jo jitna h usse gujara ki fir vusarad ka form dal di jo hoga dekha jyga pesa hath kmi chij h smy chala jata h bo lotker nhi ata bhut frestetion ke bad bhi kisi per gussa ghmnd nhi nikala bs meri paricha h bohi fir gnpti song nikla smjh aya sach dekh best h sab aur agge ki tyari se phle sadi krni h dil dimag me fight nhi ho iske liye fir sab long time ke liye chhod diya but mera mnu jiddi h bo durga geet ki tyari krne laga but sach dekha ki udhari aur dosto se help mujhe glt karyo ke liye mujbur kregi jo mere sath hua bo smy tha but ab me mjbur nhi hm kmi h but jism bechna mera oesa nhi bs fir abhi navratri ayi mnu ko jid sma gyi bhka dra roya mndir me afsos kiya but jo bhi hua ache ke liye taki hmara apa nhi khoya hm bs fir abhi chetr h bhut se tyohar h bs phle sadi taki mera jugad sath yakin bna rahe fir aur abhi chupchap understand hoker underground sab kam honge mere sare sapne pure hm bs khudi h ki ase ase ek do sath dost mil gye ki umr bhar sath rahenge aur nibhana bhi aur dadi mar gyi fir mere dada mar gye ek sal ke ander ander aur meri last study baki thi mene 5 hjar choti di se aur 5 hjar ma se udhar li bo last year tha mjbur thi nhi leti to smy chuk jata fir sab complete ho gya dobara bo smy thode ayga hm bs aur fir idhar udhar mngne ko bolne lge ek sal hi gye h but dena h bo bhi plan by hm  ab sadi ki tyari h soni aya smjhota krne but usme jo kmiya h unse me aj bhi khus nhu hu to bs egnor kr di aur abhi meri agli khoj jrurt aur purti aur bs sacha acha sath jiska khud per dependent Ho bs fir naresh ko lekar pooja ne samjha di bo sahi h mene bhi feel kiya ki bohi god gifted h bs abhi uske liye sache dil se prathna aur apni jit khusi smy iswar ko sath pana h fir age tak ka plan bn gya h to bs abhi khak Channa gujara bs ek bdi jit hote tak aur abhi koi bhi vivad nhi bs jese ko tesa smy per hm age tak frestetion ni shna fir abhi hmko sach dikhai deta h ki thoda intejar hi thik h dhry hi thik h bs ji speed se hmko jit chahiye glti bhi ho skti thi but ab nhi bhul nhi bs dhry siyam aur apne lavel ko sahi disha me sopna thamna taki hmare per ki bhi dhul bnne ki koi na soch ske hm bs ab rukmni ke sath rajneeti samaj ke chetr me bs apni personal problm ke karad ja nhi skte h bs aur purane rjiste raddi jla chuke sab kam mobile 4g me dairy online me rakhna start kr chuke h hm bs smart ho gye h smart wokre ke karad hi ab thkne wala kam nhi hona hmko bs aur abhi dekhte h collage me ya rajister me kam milta h to bs sikhne ke atmviswas ke liye bohi thundak dhry ab rakhna a gya h bs grmi nhi man ke khilaf nhi bs hm ok good aur abhi full on sahi disha controll hm bs yes bhut strugl ki hu aur luck sath raha h iswar smy bhi ek bar collage ki second year ki marksheet me fil ka falt a gya tha do hfte me sudhra ker sab thik ki sala ek kagji pdhai ke liye dgree ke liye aur apne iswar ki khud ke takat aur pricha ke liye ab bhutlker bhi nho man skti ki me fltu hu bekar hu ya ab ghtiya sath ke layak bs apne liye mene jo kiya h bo jit kabile tarif hogi bs aur bassic ma tak aur computer aur music baki writer hu me aur sala job experience h 6 sal ka 5 sal ashadepp misil school aur computer collage me ek sal ka bohi abhi bs gujara smy bitana gyan ko surkshit rakhte hm bhke bger speed aur super computer ke bad bhi bs hmko khud per yakin rakhna h smy halt aur iswar per bs ab jo hmko pana h bo h sadi dusri taki hmara itihas swardim ho bs aur abhi sabko mafi dete h kyoki koi hmara nhi dost h nhi dushman bs jo tha smy kmjoriya aur abhi iswar per pura yakin h ki bo mujhe kbhi piche nhi kr skta h bs evergren nature aur gethy body smar mibde aur good heat bs abhi asli jit sadi ke bad taki koi swarthi byakti mere age piche nhi ho bs aur me kisi ki gulam nhi bs hubby ke sath love se ji skungi hm bs fir age ka plan h ki music aur dance class chalana h fir writer director singer bnker you tube chennel chalana h pti ke sath life aur bchhe fir apne bchhe ko sab al rounder bnana h bchpn se hi bs uska intrest janket hm bs ok good aur abhi bs hmko khud per yakin aur iswar per aur ye hard time esily kese bitana h sab smjhna h bs aur dhyan se man ko santi dena chahiye kisi ko nhi bhkana nhi sunna hm bs self ko space dekar bs hm apni mchine ko hme apne hisab se chalana h aur memory ko bhi bs to bhut soch smjhker safi aur dhry aur naresh tak ka rasta pure samarpad ka hoga sadi ka hm bs to abhi 5 quality 

Dikhne be sahi

Ghar

Jmin

Job

Pdhai hm bs ab koi dikkat nhi h bs moka nhi chukna nhi usse vivad bs pkdna h daru ka kya kesa h bat krke jan lenge hm bs aur nature voice sahi ho piye khate dikkat nhi h bs fir age sare dost bf aur girl ko hmko team bna ker rakhna h bs aur abhi bs khud ko smjhna h bs bhar kisi ko nhi hm aur abhi aur kuchh din kuch mah bs dhry apni bdi jit hetu bol rakhega na hm bs to kya chahiye tujhe sex nhi bf nhi fir bs target sadi pti aur apna sukhi sansar bs to uske bad sab plan by hm yes to gujara kr lega hste hate hm bs gussa h nhi ghmndi nhi bs to fir chalo jhuk ker uper uth jao ab hmare raste me koi bhi nhi h bs hm h aur samne jo sath dena chahe bo bs hm good yes to abhi srlta se sab plan hm bs ab sadi aur khtm sab negativ dar aur past only bs agge hm to ab kisi se koi sikayt dar aur waham gulami nhi bs sach dekho suno smjho aur bs apni jit hasil kro tabhi hmari atma ko Chen sukun milega bs apni psnd ka sab paker hm bs to abhi man ki khusi imp h bhar kisi ki nhi to abhi bs age bdhna h aur smy ne paricha le li iswar ne bhi bahi bs hmare pass gyaras tak ka smy h fir bs naresh ke free hote tak uski bhi jimedari h aur bo sadi nhi bhi kr pyga to kya h mujhe jid nhi h jo likha h iswar ne bohi hoga bs fesla me lungi emideaitly hm bbs ab to smy hi smy h to jldbaji kyo hm bs ye smjho ki tere dukho ka safar khtm hm krne wale h ba apne hisab se dekh prkh kr bs dor kar diya sab tya abhi bs mnu hmari suno ijjat se chalo man se maryada se acting bs bhar ander jo tum hi I no bs kisi ko dikhane ki jrurt hi nhi h bs sab too good aur experience h proof h bs abhi hmko to bhut smy h khus h ki hatho se kuchh bhi nhi nikla h nhi hmko kisi ki yarah sochna Krna hm bs aur abhi jivan sathhi ke sath sab too good apni jid jit hetu sab nam kam dhrm krm bs kyok hmko classical music dance ke sath iswar ne bnaya h to glti kese hm bs bo lord Krishna bnker chalna h bs sab tarah se khud ko smjhna h bs aur dil ki sunma atma ki is navratri bs grva aur ghumna hi kam aya baki geet aur sab next time abhi suruvat ki h smy bhut h ab hmare pass hm ok goood aur abhi bs ander glti aur bhar kbhi nhi bs thnku my god frnkds femily jo bhi kiya sahi tha mujhe sach janne ke liye sab jruri tha hm bs aur abhi dhry siyam chup rahna mon muskan esily ab kbhi nhi bhkega mnu hm bs yes aur jo jab lge bolker bta ker gussa ghmnd sab nikal skte h bs dil ki khusi sab bhar niklne se aur dimag ki thundak sex feel se to sab smy per hm yes aur bahi sari problm khtm kr denge sach duniya ka jivansathi bs hm to sahi mil jaye to sab kasth khtm hm bs stri aur purush ka sath imp h bs yes good aur abhi hos me sab dekhna sunnna smjhna but bolna hisab se bs aur abhi sabka dekh chuke hmara bdi jit hmko dikhana h ab bs ok good yes. Atmviswas ke sath iswar per yakin kr sath aur sab mere stru hi h me kisi ko dost nhi manti hu bs aur abhi meri bdi jit ke bad nhi koi stru nhi dost bs meri life meri femily bs iswar bhkti me target me sara jivan hm ab bhule bger chalo hos me yad dilaye hi isliye h hm bs dil dimag thunda rakho SRL bhi hm ab sab kat chuke h to bs ye do mah kya chij h bs bdi jit hetu hm bs to job air sex imp h dhyan dete rahna bs ye smu bhi kat jynge hm bs bohi to h hmare pas dhry siyam usi ki pricha hogi hm bdgavakte h hm hjar guna aur abhi bs pani se bkr raho SRL ptle bs jiske sath jese vese hm bs aur abhi sab kshto ka nivarad hm krenge mnu apke koi bhar ka nhi to hmari sunna smjhna aur bs yakin Krna h bs kuchh glt nhi sochna bs fokas rakhna ktimhin h bs rakhna to pdega bs yes air abhi music writing aur sadi ko lekar plan h bs suljhan h bs aur yakin khud per ki mujhe Krna h to duniya ki koi takat nhi rok skt